What To Do When Men Go Soft In Bed

How To Help When Men Go Soft In Bed

Let’s talk about going soft.

Nowadays, one of men’s biggest hidden fears is going soft in the bedroom. When we think of erectile dysfunction or hear about guys going soft, we often hear it from ads targeted towards older men or imagine those guys when thinking about it. But, going soft when you’re with a lover is more common than you think.

In fact, several men have experienced going soft while in the midst of passion (to put it lightly). It doesn’t have to be a permanent or ongoing problem too. It can be a one-time fluke or a result of many different factors. Too little sleep, for instance, or too much alcohol (or other substances), not being attracted to the person you’re with, or many other reasons.

But one thing that is certain, it is pretty embarrassing. No matter your age or circumstance, going soft while in the heat of it can be pretty disappointing for everyone involved.

For men, there are many reasons why this is a major bummer. We men are expected to take charge in the bedroom. That’s especially true if you’re in a straight relationship. If you’re putting it in, you’re expected to put it down like a pro. And going soft sadly messes with being the leading man in the bedroom.

But on top of that, we don’t like to think of our junk not working. Let’s face it, men have a very sensitive relationship with their crotches. We secretly worry about length and size and whether our partners like what we’re doing. The idea of our pieces not working correctly is embarrassing and a little scary.

Related: Genital Self-Image May Be Ruining Men’s Sex Lives, Says Study

gay penis shame

What Men Think

And it looks like many internet users agree. One Reddit user asked men how sensitive they are about going soft while with their lovers/partners. And many agreed that when men go soft in bed, they get very sensitive.

The opening poster states that she was in the middle of a casual hook up with a guy, and preparing for round two, when she made a joke about her partner going soft.

I said ‘those things always have a mind of their own’ and sort of grinned,” said the poster confessing that she meant to express it as a non-issue. Unfortunately, her hook up then ditched.

“I already know penises have a mind of their own and it's not an issue for me, but did I mess up by mentioning it? Does drawing attention to it, even gently, embarrass someone?” she asked.

Most men then responded by saying, “Yes, drawing attention to it is embarrassing.” Though, many noted how the amount of embarrassment depends on the guy.

“Our ego is fragile to begin with,” wrote one redditor. “Men are brought up being told any imperfection either emotional or physical and you are basically less of a person. If OP compliments a man they will hang on to that compliment for months.”

Another commenter agreed that things can get pretty awkward, “We are pretty sensitive about it. How we react depends on the person and how it was handled by our partner. It’s difficult to come to terms with what we consider a failure. It’s embarrassing and emasculating.”

morning wood issues

How To Navigate It

That same commenter shared a story of how his partner made him feel better.

“I remember one woman way back in my early years just smiled and winked at me when it happened, whispered ‘it's ok, let's get that condom off!’ and then pleasured me without the condom and guided my hands to start me pleasuring her. We did that until I was ready to go at it again. That was a very positive experience to me, I appreciated that she didn't waste time with words and simply communicated with her actions that she not only understood what was going on, but was completely accepting of it and still attracted to me.”

It seems this approach is the best. Men want partners to not talk about the issue but to redirect the situation. Get back to kissing or foreplay. If men know the partner is still attracted to them, they will open up again.

“Happened to me once and I thought the girl handled it really well,” wrote one Redditor. “She just reassured me it was okay, we kept kissing/touching each other and whatnot and I went down on her. After she got off she really showed her “appreciation” which made me feel like I still managed to pleasure her.”

“Yeah, it can be embarrassing,” stated another response. “Especially if it has happened to him before and he's been going “Oh shit, what if it happens again?” in his mind.”

He then added:

“Personally I'd say the best option at that point is to smile, suggest making out for a while instead and act like you still want him just as much even despite what happened.”

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Patience and Attraction

So yes, men are super sensitive when it comes to their junk and going soft while in the heat of the moment.

But, things don’t have to be awkward when men go soft in bed. Just stay the course and show, don’t tell, the man that you’re still interested in him. In this case, as with many others, actions speak louder than words.

About Devin Jackson Randall 416 Articles
Geek by chance, and an artist by birth. Devin is a journalist and blogger who's always glad to share insights and developments on men's issues. Aside from news stories, he often writes about the roles placed upon men by society, and how both affect the relationships around us. Click on the hyperlinked text to follow him on --> Twitter. Email him at --> [email protected]