Two Simple Steps
It’s time you loved yourself. But how do you do it? By investing in yourself.
So many of us are not living up to our true potential. We worry about looking right. We think we can’t possibly be good at doing this or that. We think, “what’s the point in speaking out?” And we never try to be the best “us” that’s possible. But what if I told you that the key to true self-love and confidence is simply admiration.
Who do you admire? Who do you stan, fan, and adore? What is it about them that you love? Are you into Stepgen King for his master of craft, commitment to his writing, and his strong work ethic? Are you a fan of Barack Obama for his poise and charm? Are you obsessed with Keanu Reeves because he’s one of the nicest human beings on this planet?
Do you enjoy talking to your best friend because they’re easy to talk to and always tell the best stories? Are you secretly jealous of your frat bro for putting in more work at the gym? The first step to building self-confidence is to define what are your favorite qualities possessed by your favorite people.
Then, it’s time to move on to step two. Step two is applying those qualities to your own self and life. If you admire good dancers, take a dancing class. If you like it when others show kindness, make an effort to display acts of kindness throughout your day. Step two is ultimately about increasing the things you like about yourself.
You see, a lack of confidence or self-love is possibly instilled by the fact that there aren’t enough qualities to your life/personality that you enjoy. We often think we’re too fat, too ugly, too slow, too dumb, too this, too that, too everything. We have too many things on our list of negatives about ourselves.
Now, some of those negatives may never go away, and, most likely, having negatives will never go away. BUT, we can change the number of positives we see in ourselves. In order to do that, we have to see what positives we enjoy in other people. Then, we apply them to ourselves. So, now you see why I suggested steps one and two.
As to Dr. Neel Burton told Psychology Today, an important key to building confidence is to encourage positivity within yourself.
“Remind yourself that, despite your problems, you are a unique, special, and valuable person, and that you deserve to feel good about yourself. You are, after all, a miracle of consciousness, the consciousness of the universe. Identify and challenge any negative thoughts about yourself such as ‘I’m a loser’, ‘I never do anything right’, and ‘No one really likes me.”
These are words mirrored by love coach Amari Ice. In his book Lasting Love At Last (see Amazon)Ice takes a similar stance on raising positive thoughts about yourself. But this time, it’s under the context of finding love. In order to be ready and open to love, Ice says you have to first think positively about yourself. Or as he specifically explains:
“What beliefs will you have to accept in order for your #Layovers to become a #StayOverForever? That you’re attractive? That you’re valuable? That you’re worthy of love? That you’re ready? That you’re capable? That the man of your dreams actually exists? Clearly, this isn’t an exhaustive list of beliefs that align with your goal of having lasting love. What other beliefs are necessary for you to accept? Do you currently believe these things?”
So experts agree, all good things come with positivity. Seeing yourself in a good light can open many great doors. But how do you see yourself in a positive light? Start adopting the traits of people you admire.
That way, you have more to admire about yourself than what you hate. Then, walk, don’t run, down the path toward self-love and self-confidence.