Do you play the game of comparisons?
All of us are guilty of comparing ourselves to others. But for many men, this activity has been perfected into a form of art. The friend in a relationship you are jealous of because you’re still single. The guy who is taller than you. The jock who is leaner. The otter who is cuter. The list goes on and on.
While some amount of comparing is normal, it can become problematic when you become stuck in a morass of negativity that feeds into body image issues, low self-esteem and self-worth.
What’s important to keep in mind is that you do have a choice in the matter. You can either continue on a caustic path of thinking or accept yourself for who you are in the here and now.
What follows are 10 ways you play the game of comparisons. Read them all in order to fully absorb their deeper meaning. Below each sign, suggestions are made for creating positive change.
1. You look for something or someone to make you feel better
When you look for outside validation to make you feel loved, wanted or needed, you are comparing. Instead of looking outside, focus your attention inward. Build a relationship with yourself and connect with your essence. That is where true love resides.
2. You don’t feel good enough
All of us are good enough. When you start to accept yourself for who you are instead of a fantasy, you begin to quiet the toxic pattern of negative thinking. You can arrest this unhealthy cycle in mid-turn by practicing personal acceptance. Ask yourself: If you aren’t good enough, who is? Is that really true?
3. You use sex as a validator
If you are randomly hooking up with guys to prove to yourself you are attractive, you are doing great harm to your self-esteem. No amount of tricking will satisfy the voice inside that suggests you are unattractive.
Rather than put yourself out there for judgement, learn to validate yourself by affirming the parts of your body that you do like and create change around what needs to be changed.
4. You live in the past
When you live in the past, you trap yourself in a cycle of learned helplessness. You use this excuse to compare your life to where it was instead of where it is now. This is perhaps the biggest reason you are unhappy.
Try focusing your attention to the present moment and stop yourself from playing the victim card of yesterday. Ask yourself: Am I living in the here and now?
5. You endlessly judge others
Do you constantly find fault in the appearance of others? Do you look for any flaw in their character or personality? Are you the first to mouth off about what’s wrong with someone?
In order to judge others, it means you need to compare them to someone else. Imagine if you stopped doing this how much it would arrest your own negative cycle self-judgement?
6. You hold on to anger and resentment
Holding on to anger and resentment from a place of self-righteousness feeds the demons of negative thinking. Worse, it locks you into a pattern of comparisons whereby you have something to hold over another because you think you are right.
At the end of the day, does being right really matter? Let it go. Purge it now.
7. You feel entitled
When you are living in a world of comparisons, you feel that your position in life makes you entitled to better things.
The truth is, you are entitled to nothing. Practice gratitude instead and you will organically attract better things to you.
8. You obsessively down your accomplishments
This one is fairly straight forward. When you minimize the positive things you have done in your life and say things like: “Yeah, but he was able to do this …” you take a sledgehammer to your self-esteem.
Celebrate the good you have created and stop shooting yourself down. It’s not attractive or healthy.
9. You think something better will come along
Many relationships have been ruined because one person as part of the couple thinks they can do better. In fact, this is one reason why so many relationships fail. Learn to be grateful for what you do have and understand, much of what you think is better is likely nothing more than an illusion.
10. Your expectations are unrealistic
When it comes to dating, do you exclude guys because they don’t meet your ultra-high list of expectations? Have you found yourself hopelessly single because the men you chase after are incapable of being in a loving, affirming relationship?
Maybe it’s time to jettison that list and recognize that nobody is perfect.
Summing Things Up
When you engage in the game of comparisons, you place yourself in a psychological prison. Creating change is possible but it will require that you examine how you think about yourself and the world around you.
A great resource to consider to on the path towards healthier living is a book authored by Bailey Jackson entitled: How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others. It’s available on Amazon and can be download directly to your electronic device.
Hopefully, this post will help to stir new, healthier thinking.