“This can’t be real. This has to be some kind of (expletive) nightmare”
Imagine being 20-years old and visiting an older friend’s house that you trust. Now assume for a moment that while you are there, your buddy of yours gives you a drink.
Before you know it – he’s raping you.
That’s exactly what happened to Caleb Byers, an Iowa resident who has recounted his tale of male sexual assault to the Des Moines Register.
Apparently, he never felt close to his strict father and yearned for an adult male role model. In his early 60s, the friend offered the benefit of wisdom to the then-20-years-olds problems.
During the visit, the older man gave him a cup of Bacardi and then took a seat next to him on the couch.
This alone was not unusual. In the past, the two had shared drinks as they sat around and chatted.
However, this visit would be different. Per the Register:
“The man then sat next to Byers on the couch, which struck Byers as odd because he normally sat in the nearby love seat or chair. He put his arm around Byers, who excused himself to the bathroom to ease the awkward tension, he said.
When he returned, the man had taken his shirt off. He grabbed Byers, forcefully removed his clothes and started “kissing me and biting me and rubbing my body,” Byers said. He performed oral sex on Byers, according to a police report, and made Byers touch him, too.”
More: Straight man pinned down and rapped
Byers explains that during the assault, he was frozen and detached.
“This must be a nightmare”
“I remember laying there just praying that this wasn’t happening to me,” Byers said. “This can’t be real. This has to be some kind of (expletive) nightmare,” he shared.
Ultimately, he was able to escape by saying he had to go to the bathroom. Once he was able to get dressed again, he ran out the door.
More: Man pinned down and raped in prison
In part of his retelling, Byers informed police the man, who was taller and strong, overpowered him. Feeling drunk, he couldn't fight the guy off. Additionally, he was scared that if he made the man angry, the rape would get worse.
Speaking of police – he explains how humiliated he felt when it came time to fill out a formal report. Below are just a few of the questions cops asked him.
“Are you sure you’re not just gay?”
“Why didn’t you push him off?”
“Why did you let him make you drinks?”
“Are you really sure it happened?”
“It was traumatic telling my story to people who I could tell really didn’t believe me or who were skeptical, at best,” he said.
Ultimately, his case was closed for a lack of evidence. It had turned into a classic “he said – he said” situation.
“Although there were similarities in their stories, there wasn’t sufficient information and no physical evidence to take to the Pottawattamie County Attorney for review and prosecution,” wrote the police chief.
As part of his own recovery, Byers launched a website called We Are Not Powerless; a digital space designed to to give male survivors of sexual assault a safe place to share, learn and grieve.
