The Dilemma
Dear Jack,
I’ve been dating the same girl for the past month. A few nights ago, we finally became intimate, with both of us under the sheets.
After we finished, I couldn’t help but notice a major change in her demeanor. When I asked her if everything was OK, she made it out like things were fine.
Several days later, she sent me a text that said she wanted to put the breaks on our relationship. When I asked what was wrong, she wrote: “I’m having problems with your penis. No offense but it is ugly. I can’t deal with it.”
Here’s the deal. My manhood is hooked because of Peyronie's disease. Over the past year, I have been taking medications but it’s not helping that much. My doctor said there may be other options so we will see what happens.
All I know is that right now, I’m feeling really embarrassed. I don’t think what I’ve got is all that terrible. Sure, it has a curve to it but it’s not like a horseshoe.
Anyway, have you ever run across something like this?
-Mike (25) New York City
The Solution
Hi, Mike
First, I’m super sorry to hear that your (ex) girlfriend decided to break off the relationship, based on your manhood. I know some people have size preferences, but I’ve got to say this is the first time I’ve ever read about someone calling a guy’s equipment “ugly”.
Given the situation, I think most guys who have the same reaction as you. I know that if it were me, I’d be struggling with shame.
With all of that said, I’m going to go against the grain here and say thank goodness the relationship is over. I’m saying this because if she would breakup with you for something as shallow as the look and feel of your equipment, imagine how she might respond when something more serious happens?
I don’t mean to be insensitive but the girl you were dating sounds vapid and trashy. Think about it for a minute Mike. Do you base your ability to be with a woman exclusively on the size and shape of a given body part?
Men carry enough shame as it is with body image issues – something most of us don’t talk about nearly enough. The last thing you need is someone judging you based on a medical condition.
For those who do not know, Peyronie's disease can affect the appearance of how your stick looks. For many guys, the end result can mean a “U” shape.
The hard truth is I’ve got several friends who struggle with this issue. Again, not something most men talk about but perhaps we should?
Mike, I know right now you are not thinking about dating someone new. It’s probably too soon. That said, I feel very confident in saying there is a girl out there who wants to be with you for the right reasons. None of us are physically perfect.
If this issue really starts weighing on you, it might be a good time to reach out for support. Consider working with a therapist who specializes in men’s issue.
The fact that you don’t think your equipment is “all that terrible” says a lot about your own self-concept. In other words, you are starting from a good place. The issue now is to move past this most recent trauma, inflicted on you by someone who sounds like a complete narcissist.
Write us back and let us know how you are getting on.
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