Let’s face it. Complimenting a woman is a minefield. Men sometimes mean well but wind up looking like total jerks when they drop a bad compliment. If you’ve been texting your crush back and forth for a while and she suddenly ghosted you, it could be due to a backhanded compliment.
Guys, it’s not your fault. Well….sort of….
For starters, there’s no masterclass for talking to girls. You can ask your Dad, your friends or find help online, but there’s no guru for complimenting women. The best technique is to speak from your heart, but even then, your mouth can get in the way of what you mean.
When you’re talking to a girl that you like, it can be difficult just to string a few words together in the heat of the moment. Compliments are the easy answer for this level of social anxiety. They just come right out when men don’t know what else to say.
The problem is that women are very complex communicators. The intonations of your voice, the pauses in your speech, and every single word you say can change the meaning of your message. So, you need to always be careful with compliments.
It could go something like this if you’re not careful.
Compliments to Avoid Giving Women
“You look so gorgeous in your profile pic.”
Oh, she’ll say “thank you” but you’ve really made a big mistake here. You’ve complimented her physical appearance and you didn’t compliment her actual physical appearance either. Her profile pic is most likely doctored up with filters and heavy make-up in the most ideal lighting conditions possible.
It’s a representative of her perfect self. By complimenting it so overtly, it’s like saying she’s actually ugly in real life. At least, that’s what she’ll think. If you must compliment her physical appearance, then say she is more beautiful in real life. She’ll be blushing for sure.
“I love a woman who knows how to eat.”
Oh boy, you didn’t just say that, did you? Don’t draw so much attention to a woman’s eating habits while you’re dating. She’ll overthink her food choices the next time you go out to eat together, or maybe she won’t eat a thing at all.
You might have meant it as a compliment, but you’ve implied that she can really eat a lot of food. She might already feel insecure about her weight or her self-image. There are so many super skinny, super perfect in all the right places models out there.
You should assume that any woman is meticulously watching her weight. So, don’t draw unnecessary attention to what she’s eating. Just make her feel comfortable eating whatever she likes.
“You’re so perfect; I can’t believe you’re still single.”
This is the definition of a back-handed compliment. You’re trying to suggest that she’s the ideal mate for you, but that’s not how she’ll hear it. For her, you’ve suggested that there may be something seriously wrong with her.
If you’re in the early stages of dating, you both are presenting idealized versions of yourself. She knows the real her, and you’ve dissed yourself and her at the same time with this compliment.
One – you’re too dumb to realize that she’s not perfect. Two – you’ve hinted that there’s something hidden that’s seriously wrong with her that’s prevented her from hooking up with someone better than you before now.
You’ve made her think too much about the wrong things with a compliment like that. You can say, “I’m so glad that you’re single because I really like you.” That’s a safe bet.
“You’re a really great driver, for a girl.”
Congratulations, your budding romance has just been canceled. Never say “for a girl” or “for a woman” when giving a compliment. Literally, an insult would be better. This type of word choice indicates a gender bias and it’s just downright sexist.
You won’t get any points for saying your crush is good at video games, driving, sports, or anything when you add “for a girl” or “for a woman” on the end. Even if you’re just trying to be playful, it won’t play out well for you.
She’ll be just as impressed if you simply say that she’s a good driver or good at video games. You can try a more honest approach and admit that you’ve never met a woman who drives so well. It’s only slightly better but at least it’s not sexist.
Great Compliments for Women
“Wow, you look really great in that top today.”
See how specific that compliment sounds. You’re complimenting her appearance and you’re mentioning exactly what you like about it. You’re also making an active compliment by commenting on how she looks today, right here and now.
You should use a physical compliment sparingly. Think of it as a pinch of salt and sprinkle. Less is more; don’t pour it on. There’s a scale to this that directly correlates to how long you’ve been in a relationship.
As a general rule, when just starting out with someone you’re dating, keep the physical comments to a minimum. When you’re in a long-term relationship, pour the physical compliments on heavily. Remind her often that you still think she’s gorgeous.
“I enjoy every minute I spend with you.”
This is a wonderful compliment because it has continuity. You’re letting her know that you are committed to this experience because it serves you in every way. You’re happy with just being in her company and that takes some of the pressure off of her. She might start to let her hair down a bit now.
This isn’t a compliment that you should give very early on in the dating phase. It’s a loaded compliment. This is one that can seal the deal. It carries a lot of weight and this could potentially mean that you want to pursue a deeper level of commitment. So, use it wisely, fellas.
“You smile is so contagious.”
This is one of the best physical compliments that you can give a woman. You are complimenting her physical appearance, but in a way that doesn’t involve the sexual aspect of your relationship. You’re telling her that she has a nice smile, and it makes you smile. That means that you acknowledge the chemistry between the two of you and her inherent beauty.
The word “contagious” is tricky here. Please be sure that she knows what that word means because she might raise her eyebrows in confusion if she doesn’t know that the word can be applied to things other than viruses and diseases. If you’re dating someone who speaks English as a second language, for example, you might want to add some context to the end of that line.
“I love the way you said that.”
This compliment works like a charm at any stage of the relationship. That’s because it implies that you’re hanging on her every word. You’re paying attention to her and women love that. You’re acknowledging that she is a gifted speaker and that will give her confidence.
The best types of compliments are ones that echo long after you say them. When you tell her that you love the way she said that, follow it up with another quickfire compliment. Try something like “I love the way you said that. You really understand how people think.”
You can sit back after that and bask in the glory of your moment, my friend. She’ll feel encouraged to open up and tell you anything. She might even start bragging to her friends about you. Well done.
Related: How to Make More Women Want You
Choose more compliments that point to positive traits that are non-physical. Women (and men) are more self-conscious about their appearance than other aspects of their being. That’s why it’s better to avoid physical compliments until you know that person very well.
Avoid compliments that are gender specific like the ones that end in “…for a girl”. That’s a big no-no. If you just can’t help it, start off by acknowledging how difficult it can be for women to get credit for things that men are supposed to be better at than women. Then, you can slide in your compliment.
Use compliments that are true to the moment and avoid compliments that sound like “lines”. In other words, compliment what is happening now. Did she say something witty or intelligent? Were her actions admirable or comedic? Make active compliments and you’ll really get into her head.
Overall, just be genuine and mindful of her feelings and emotions. Afterall, she doesn’t really need your compliments. She needs your presence and your engagement. If you ace those things, compliments aren’t even necessary. She’ll feel confident without needing to be pumped up, and that’s the goal.