I was forced into gay sex repeatedly
By: Nicolas in the Midwest
There’s no easy way to tell my story except to come right out with it. When I was in the military, I was repeatedly and brutally raped by another man. It was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life.
Yes, I was sexually assaulted – both anally and orally.
Reflecting back now after all these years, it’s still difficult for me to think about this now.
To keep it real, I would be a liar if I didn’t tell you that I’m feeling anxious as I type this now. I guess a part of me still haunts me. Shoot, anyone would be I guess.
But as a friend of mine advised, it’s better to get it all out there and not bottle it up.
Look, I know I’m not the only guy who has ever been forced to be gay. You see, I’ve talked to other men like me who were in the military and made to engage in sex acts against their will.
It wasn’t that long ago that I read a first-hand story about a private who endured something similar to me during his time wearing the uniform. Feeling motivated, I decided to pen this piece.
More: Lies about male military sexual assault
I’ll start out by giving you some background about me so that you’ve got a mental snapshot. Be warned – what follows isn’t going to be super graphic. But it does offer details about what happened.
If you’ve ever been curious about what it’s like to have someone force you to be gay, you are about to find out. It’s not what you think.
I’m apologizing now for any grammar or spelling mistakes you’ll see. Writing was never one of my strong suits.
About Me
I am 31-years old and live in Cheyenne, Wyoming. I’ve got a wife and 2-year old son with another little one on the way this fall. Probably like you, I’m just a regular guy with basic hobbies. In my case, it’s hiking, fishing, and occasional range shooting.
It’s that last part (shooting) which is directly related to what happened to me.
You see around 12 or so years ago, when I was 19, I was a military infantryman. Ever since I was a little boy, it had been a lifelong dream to do this.
My dad was in the military and so was his father. I guess I felt inspired to join the service after years of being told, “Son, if you want to build character, enlist.”
Because I didn’t have a lot of other prospects going for me, I decided to sign up. My thinking was that at least my college would be paid for. Plus, because I was athletic, I would be able to challenge my body in new and different ways.
To save you time, I’ll skip through basic training and specialized certification classes that are required when you enlist. What’s important that you know is that my job (MOS) was a rifleman.
We’re the guys you see assigned to combat duty and use weapons like the M16A4 service rifle. Growing up around guns, it was a natural fit for me. In fact, that’s what my dad did when he was in the service.
But that’s not what this story is about. Instead, I’m going to right to the nitty gritty on being forced to have gay sex.
Without revealing his real name, I will tell you that one of the men who trained me (and I reported to) was the guy who abused me.
He was 30-years old and physically much bigger than me. Mind you I wasn’t scrawny. At 5’11 and 172 lbs., at least I don’t think I was.
In case you didn’t know, when you are in the military, you are required to stay physically fit – so much so that you must pass physical fitness assessments. If you want to qualify for certain jobs, you must hit a minimum score or you aren’t getting the position.
All of this is to say that I was in shape. On a regular basis, I worked out on free weights and had what most people would describe as a body builder physique.
I’m telling you this because it wasn’t enough to keep off my bully.
His name was Jed*. He was 6’4 and 204 lbs. He was a white dude with blond hair and blue eyes – the kind that look right through you.
The man was also built like a f**cking monster. I’m not kidding when I say that. I don’t know if it was genetics or his workout routine or a combo of both but the guy was seriously huge.
Hailing from some town in Texas, I can still remember his distinct southern drawl whenever he spoke. Even when he was barking out orders, the guy couldn’t hide it.
Forced Gay Sex
So here is how Jed forced me to be gay. It’s pretty simple. The guy bullied me.
I’m not going to go into all of the name calling he did. Needless to say, using terms like “fa**ot” were the norm for him. He’d also go after the way I looked, calling me a “whop” and other slurs reserved for people of Italian decent.
Did I mention that the name calling was always done in front of others? It was. Hoping to get on Jed’s good side, they’d often join in with their own remarks. It still pisses me off when I think about it.
One day, after being severely harassed by him during formation, I decided I’d had enough. That’s when I made the decision to talk to him one on one, away from witnesses.
And I’m here to tell you it was the biggest mistake of my life.
You see, Jed lived on base and had a private unit. Thinking that was the best place to confront him, I knocked on his door one night and asked to talk.
Surprised, he invited me in and told me to “park it on the couch”.
He stood there looking at me with his arms crossed.
I explained to Jed that I really didn’t appreciate being bullied by him and that if he kept his shit up, I was going to file an official report. I also told him that he didn’t scare me.
That’s when he said the following with a deadpan face:
“Really? You think anyone around here is going to believe the word of a two-bit homo? Why don’t you go back to mommy you stupid p*ssy.”
Something inside just snapped. I remember getting up from the couch and walking directly up to his face – to the point where his blue eyes were staring directly into my brown ones.
“What did you say ya stupid hick?” I remember asking him.
For a quick second, Jed laughed. That’s when things got very bad for me.
“Let me show you exactly what a p*ssy you are boy,” he said as he grabbed me by my neck. Remember, the guy was 6’4. He towered me. Even after trying to defend myself by striking him on strategic body parts, none of it phased him.
I mean NOTHING. He was just too big and too strong.
Some of what follows is a blur. I remember him hurling me onto the couch and pinning me down. Using his right hand to apply pressure to my head, he used his left hand to unfasten my camo pants and pull them down.
“That’s when things got very bad for me”
The more I tried to move, the more he applied pressure. My nose was buried into the fabric of a seat cushion, making screams impossible to hear.
Once he started to insert, he put me in a half nelson, using his elbow against the back of my neck and a free hand to cover my mouth.
Like a wild hyena, he relentlessly penetrated me from behind. I can still remember yelling through his palm. He kept saying things like, “Who is the p*ussy now?” and “I told you that you were a f*ggot!”.
Minutes later, in what seemed like forever, he released into me. Jed didn’t tell me he was going to do this. He just did it and chuckled like a psychopath it happened.
“Pull your pants up buddy and use my restroom to get yourself together,” he told me. Even now, I can recall how humiliated I felt as I washed my face in his sink.
While I wasn’t bleeding from behind, I could feel that he had done severe damage. It all felt so swollen back there and hurt to touch.
I left the bathroom and made my way to the door. Shocked and confused, I was in a complete fog.
On the way out, Jed grabbed me by the neck again and said very directly. “If you tell anyone what happened, I’m going to kill you. Understand that boy?”
I could tell he was serious. Have you ever seen what crazy looks like in a person’s eyes? That’s what he was vibing. For real.
Then he added:
“If you want me to leave you alone, show up here on Wednesday nights at 7. Do we have a deal?” I remained silent. “I said do we have a deal boy?!” he barked into my ear.
“Affirmative sir – yes, sir. 7 pm Wednesdays, sir!”
For the next six months, I would show up at Jed’s unit for “Wednesdays”. I wish I could tell you that I filled out a report or talked to my commanding officer about what happened but I didn’t.
The truth is, I was too afraid to say anything. Moreover, I didn’t think anyone on base would believe me. Looking back, I recognize I should have but if you want the full-on truth about what was going through my mind, you now have it.
On one particular visit, I tried to explain to Jed that I wasn’t gay. But the guy took it as an insult. “Are you calling me gay mister?” he yelled back.
That’s when he shoved his d*ck into my mouth and didn’t stop pumping my face until white stuff come out.
While I don’t remember the exact number, Jed forced me into gay sex at 20-30 times. On more than one occasion, to deepen my humiliation, he would jam me up from behind until I ejaculated.
“You aren’t going anywhere until you blow it out boy,” he’d whisper into my ear as continued his thing. Ugh – I can still hear that evil laugh.
When I released, he would immediately follow up and say things like, “See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
The only reason it stopped was because he got assigned to a new location in another state. I bet this is how it ends for a lot of so called straight men who violate other men.
It’s been over a decade since all of that happened. But I can still remember everything like yesterday. Sometimes at night, when I’m sleeping, I have nightmares about Jed making me do things.
When someone bullies you psychologically and physically, it can be overwhelming. It’s easy to play the game of “I should have done this different” or “If I had to do it all over again, I would have …”
But hindsight is 20/20, right?
In the future, I plan on getting some counseling around what transpired. Please know that I the “gay” part isn’t what bothered me. In other words, I don’t have a problem with anyone who is gay. A close cousin of mine is gay.
The part that destroys me is being forced to do things against my will. It's extremely traumatic.
Thanks for reading and I hope this helps someone.
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