Is Your Lover a Sociopath?

Is my partner a sociopath?

Are you dating a sociopath and don’t even know it? Is your partner behaving in ways that makes you question their sanity and intentions? Well, you don’t have to star in a horror movie to get hooked up with a total sociopath these days. It happens more than you might think.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) a true sociopath is someone who has APD or Antisocial Personality Disorder. A person with APD, a sociopath, is someone who is motivated by their own desires and ambitions without any moral consideration for others.

Psychopathyls reports that as much as 30% of people exhibit some degree of reduced empathy for others. However, only about 4% of the population are sociopaths. That can make it difficult to recognize if your partner is someone who you should be concerned about.

How to Tell If Your Partner is a Sociopath

Relationships are difficult. Navigating your partner’s emotions is tough under normal circumstances, but sometimes they might cross the line. If your partner has a real mean streak and seems to delight in hurting your feelings, then there’s a chance that you could be dating a sociopath.

Here are 10 signs to look out for:

1. They lie easily and often, sometimes without any reason or obvious personal gain.
2. They tend to fall in love quickly and force the relationship into deep water before you’re ready.
3. They use leverage against you to get what they want.
4. They’re masters of using guilt trips to manipulate you.
5. They try to isolate you from family and friends so that you depend on them exclusively.
6. They can be adrenaline junkies and take unnecessary personal risks.
7. They might seem emotionally vacant or lacking in empathy.
8. They result to verbal, emotional, or physical abuse without remorse.
9. They have a dark sense of humor and laugh at other people’s pain.
10. They engage in unlawful and/or antisocial behavior.

Are Sociopaths and Narcissists the Same?

You hear the term “narcissist” a lot more than “sociopath” when people talk about bad lovers and failed relationships. Most people throw the term around without knowing exactly what it means. You might think that your lover is a narcissist when in fact they’re actually a sociopath.

The DSM-5 textbook definition of a narcissist is someone who has an overexaggerated belief in their own uniqueness, purpose, or power. A narcissist is hyper focused on themselves. They are preoccupied with their own fantasies and delusions of grandeur, so much so that they often exhibit many of the same qualities as sociopaths.

One key difference between narcissists and sociopaths is the motivation behind their delusional behavior. A narcissist constantly seeks validation whereas a sociopath couldn’t care less what people think of them. A narcissist is driven by ego much like a sociopath, but a narcissist’s ego is a very fragile construct that’s often based on a distorted perception of their own greatness.

A sociopath seeks to use other people to get what they want, and they have little remorse regarding the tactics that they use. Both can be villainous characters in a relationship. However, a sociopath lover is far more dangerous.

What is it Like to Date a Sociopath?

A sociopath lover can be your worst nightmare when it comes to dating and relationships. A sociopath isn’t necessarily a mass murderer or someone that you should be physically afraid of. Some sociopaths are masters of emotional manipulation and don’t necessarily use physical abuse to get what they want.

If you’re in a relationship with a sociopath, then you’re dating someone who can sell ice to an Eskimo. They’re more than likely a smooth talker like a typical con artist. They can lie with a straight face and do bad things without guilt or remorse. That includes snooping through your belongings when you’re not around, cheating on you repeatedly, or extorting you for large sums of money.

Related: 10 signs you're dating a narcissist! 

A sociopath lover is using you all the time to get what they want. Most sociopath lovers want the relationship to get serious as soon as possible because that makes it easier to manipulate you. In the beginning of the relationship, they appear to be your ideal mate. Sociopaths are intelligent chameleons who can read your desires and mold themselves to fit your dreams. You might’ve bragged to your friends that they’re so charming and you think you might’ve found “the one”.

Be careful because once a sociopath gets their hooks in you, things can quickly change. You might notice that they constantly try to push you away from your friends and family. They don’t want to share you with others, and they try to isolate you from people who can support you. Much like the narcissist, a sociopath wants you to be totally dependent on them.

A sociopathic lover gets worse as the relationship goes on. They get comfortable with hurting your feelings and even seem to take pleasure in it. Seeing you feel worse makes them feel better. Unlike the narcissist who hurts you to support their own ego, the sociopathic lover hurts you for personal gain or pleasure. They can also be a bit too rough when it comes to lovemaking because your pain delights them.

One of the hallmarks of a sociopath is their ability to show no remorse. This can take center stage when they decide to breakup with you. If you prove too difficult to manage, then you’re easily discarded without much warning. This can be especially hard on you because you’re left wondering what you did to warrant such horrible mishandling. Don’t worry, it’s not you…it really is them.

What to Do if Your Lover is a Sociopath

If you’re dating a sociopath, then there’s very little hope of redeeming them. You really need to focus on your own wellbeing. You might only be experiencing verbal and emotional abuse at this stage, but things could get worse. And at their worst, sociopaths are capable of horrific violence.

Related: Is my girlfriend a sociopath?

You should seek help from family, friends, and colleagues if you’re in a relationship with a sociopath. Leaving them won’t be easy. A therapist might also be able to help you find ways to cope with abuse and find ways to safely prioritize your own wellbeing.

Regardless of how much you care for them, dating a sociopathic lover isn’t in your best interests. Find your voice. Find your power. Never surrender them to someone who takes pleasure from your pain.