Do You Care About How Many People Someone Has Slept With?

couple embracing

How Many People?!

Is having a big body count a big deal?

I recently watched a video from YouTube channel Cut. The channel celebrates life and diversity by putting people in fun games and interesting situations. The company has several different segments like Truth or Drink where ex-lovers, workers and employers, siblings, parents and their kids’ partners, and more tell the truth or get drunk.

But this one video below showed a more interesting setup. Four people were set with the task of guessing how many people a group of strangers have slept with. The video is fun and funny with some light touching on serious issues like sexuality and how sex should be considered a fluid and normal thing in human life and experience.

But when you have numbers that range from 0 to 1,500, it’s hard not to see the stark difference in the latter half of that range.

Yes, one man shared that he has interacted, in some way and form, with over 1,500 people! And that got me thinking, “Is that a bad thing?”

Are Higher Numbers Worse?

I’ve had a good share of mature experiences with other men for several years now. Honestly, I’ve lost count of how many men I’ve had sex with. And I’d rather not know the number. But I worry that the reason I’d rather not know is because of my own negative thoughts on body counts.

For example, I have one friend who constantly says, “I’m loose. I’ve had sex with so many people.” But when I ask him for his number he goes, “10.” Don’t you know, I wanna slap him upside the head every time.

Let’s be real. Men have it easy. Our society built up slut-shaming in order to keep women down. We created this fallacy that women have to be chaste and stay with their man while men are allowed to go bang whomever they want. But now that gender roles are starting to fade, some of those female-focused problems are coming over to our neck of the woods. Not only do men deal with body dysmorphia and body issues more often than ever before, but we also have societal pressures like slut-shaming creeping in.

Related: Guys Answer: “What’s The Perfect First Date?”

Self-Confidence & Open Communication

But does body count matter? Well, it depends on who’s opinion matters to you.

Honestly, society can go shove their opinions up their butts. We shouldn’t be living our lives in fear of what other people will think. Men and women should be able to sleep with whomever they want as long as it's consensual (and everyone involved gets off).

The only opinions that should really matter are our own and the opinions of our loves. We need to be comfortable with the body counts that we have. Whether we think its too large or too small. Because at the end of the day, what’s a simple number hurting?

And in terms of our loves, we need to be honest with them about how many people we’ve slept with. The key to a good and healthy relationship is open communication. So, speak that number’s truth out into the world and let your lover know what’s up.

If they have a problem with the number, then that’s on them. And honestly, any jealousy is the effect of their own insecurity. Speak to them about it and hope that they’ll come around. Otherwise, it’ll root down and cause conflict. But again, that’s their problem and not yours.

time slows down couple sheets

Body Counts

So at the end of the day, the answer to “Does body count matter?” is no. It doesn’t. It matters enough to mention and talk about but that’s all the power it should hold. So for men like me who worry about how many people they’ve slept with (or how few), don’t. Take a breath and move on (that's what I'm trying to do). Because all those people have moved on, and so should you.