Are you a gay traveler looking to join the mile high club?
In the not so distant past, a news story broke about a man who got busted watching adult gay video on a plane. Here at the blog, we were amused about this, particularly since anyone who takes to the skies on a regular basis has seen all sorts of things.
Given interest in such topics by readers, we thought it might be interesting to explore sky sex – in plane speak. Specifically, we’re talking about skipping the Hot House videos altogether and getting your hookup on while flying at 38,000 feet!
We spoke to a 15-year veteran of a major U.S. airline about what he’s observed and the best times (plus routes) for inflight entertainment.
Are you ready? Here’s what we found out!
Be mindful of the airline
It goes without saying that if you fly on a carrier from a sexually conservative country, you’ll be putting yourself at greater risk. Yes, it’s dangerous no matter what.
Our flight attendant source simply suggested that if your plan is to do the mile-high club thing – engage in harm reduction.
Skip the commuter flights
Suppose you’re sitting next to a really hot guy and you want to drain him out – or vice versa, our source tells us to avoid anything physical on short haul flights.
“Nobody is flying wide body aircraft on quick hops, which means you’re going to be on a narrow body aircraft with three seats across. If you’re flying on coach, forget it. You won’t even get a blanket to cover yourself or your seatmate so just wait until you reach your destination,” says our flight attendant source.
Long hauls offer opportunities
The longer the flight, the more opportunity you have to make a connection. Our source suggests that you look for intercontinental trips, preferably on wide body planes (which he admits is growing more and more difficult).
On larger aircraft, there are two aisles, allowing both parties to discretely get up and make their way to the bathroom. Do it when everyone is asleep and the flight attendants are hiding in the galleys.
“I know some guys who visit seat guru who purposely pick something close to the bathroom. You should see what goes on with red-eye flights on some coast to coast routes,” tattles our source.
Avoid seasonal peaks
If you want to hookup on your way to Europe, Asia, South America and points beyond, you are far better off doing it during off-season. This makes sense when you think about high traffic loads during the height of summer.
“The more people on the aircraft, the more likely you’re going to get busted. Trips to Hawaii during winter are loaded with passengers. But when you fly to HNL (Honolulu) in the middle of July, it’s a different story,” chimes our flight attendant source.
Wait till the lights get dimmed
There is a time and place for everything, including intimacy. For inflight hookups, this means avoiding the bathroom rush. According to our source, it’s best to wait until everyone has been served drinks.
“Everyone leaps to the restroom right after sipping down their sodas, teas and alcohol. Wait until everyone is served and hang on tight for about an hour or two. When the cabin crew dims the lights and everyone is done relieving themselves, be ready to move. Use aft lavatories if possible if you’re sitting in coach and don’t even think about mid-cabin lavs. Too many eyes on you.”
First or Business is better
Our source suggests that if you can get a seat in First or Business you are better off. That’s because the lavatories are bigger and cleaner. But the same source cautions:
“Depending upon the configuration of the aircraft, you may not want to do your thing in First. Some of the wide bodies only have one lav. With the way upgrades work today with frequent fliers, it’s very rare even on seat up front will be empty. This can mean a revolving door to the bathroom.”
Keep in mind that now-a-days, some carriers offer luxury service with first class cabins where passengers have their own private rooms. FYI: You’ll pay BIG bucks for that.
Try to make friends with a flight attendant
If you know you’re going to hook up on a plane, it’s best to soften the ground a bit before doing the deed. Our source suggests it’s better to befriend a flight attendant first, if possible. That way if you do get busted, you’re less likely get into trouble.
The folks over at the Bustle even put together a guide on the best positions for hooking up on aircraft – if you care to check it out. Here is the link to their story.
By the way, our source told us in very clear terms that if you do get caught and the flight attendant tells you to stop, you must comply.
Do not argue and do not get loud. Otherwise, you could be charged with interfering with a flight crew, a Federal Aviation Regulation that is punishable with jail time.
The final bit of advice our veteran flight attendant shared with us is all about blankets.
“On long haul flights to Europe, Asia and South America, the hookups I've seen happen mostly under blankets. Typically, a guy will have two of them covering his midsection while the other person does his thing. You can always tell when a couple is doing a JO.”
And the last tip?
“Whatever you do, make it fast. No more than five minutes. Keep it oral. You can't bring liquids on planes that are more than 3.4 oz, which rules out a lot of lubes and options.”