Do you project a toxic vibe?
Have you decided to hit the pause button on dating because you’re tired of rejection? Does it seem like your first dates never turn into second dates? Are you feeling like the whole meeting people thing is too much trouble?
If so, you wouldn’t be alone. Many people become jaded on the whole dating experience, particularly when their efforts seem to yield few results.
But is it possible you are unintentionally doing things that send out a toxic vibe that keeps you single? If the answer is yes, wouldn’t you like to know what they are?
What follows are 5 ways you may be driving potential suitors away. The material is shared here is designed for women and men because toxicity is an equal opportunity destroyer.
Some of these may seem obvious, while others will cause you to pause and reflect. Read them all to fully absorb their deeper meaning.
1. You reject people who you need to evolve
A karmic truth is that we meet people we need to order to evolve. Who and what you attract is a deep reflection of your own energy and love.
But if you keep rejecting new opportunities because you fear rejection, you create a dynamic where
Having fears about being rejected is understandable. Nobody wants to feel the sting of pain. That said, meeting someone new is a journey that can sometimes be uncomfortable. What if you looked at each experience objectively with an eye towards personal growth?
There is someone out there that is a match for you. But if you keep isolating, how will the two of you ever meet?
The idea here is to embrace each dating opportunity as a pathway to self-learning. This helps take the pressure off and, paradoxically, makes you more attractive.
2. You discount compliments
When you are out on a date and someone gives you a compliment, do you discount it? Do you brush it off because a positive remark makes you feel uncomfortable? If so, please stop doing this immediately. Here’s why:
The person who said you look stunning in that shirt or great in those jeans did so because that is how they perceived you. When you reject praise, you send a nasty message that you aren’t worthy.
Learn to accept compliments and embrace them. Tune out the negative voice that labels the praise as fake and instead, embrace the compliment.
The truth is – you are a beautiful person. Practice the RAIN technique as part of mindfulness to empower change in this area.
3. You use alcohol as a crutch
Reaching for an occasional drink to “loosen up” before a social gathering isn’t unusual. For example, a glass of wine at a party.
But if you regularly drink for emotional lubrication, you may be (unintentionally) broadcasting you have a drinking problem. That may be uncomfortable to hear, but you landed on this page for guidance, and so I am just keeping it real.
Your true soul mate is going to connect with you for who you are. Clouding things up with alcohol prevents a person from linking to your inner core. Why not try dating with minimal alcohol use or, better yet – no alcohol at all?
It may be challenging at first, but in time, a more authentic you will emerge. There’s something attractive about that, don’t you think?
4. You focus too much on the past
Do you find yourself talking about things in life that you regret or are ashamed of? On the flip side, do you romanticize past loves and place them on a pedestal?
While some of this is normal, too much of it can be a net negative.
People looking for someone new are generally living in the here and now. Their biggest hope is to meet someone who wants to create a future. But if you keep living in the past, forward movement is never going to happen.
To the extent possible, embrace the here and now. Take mindful steps to focus your thoughts on the present – as in this very moment in time. Affirm the past is part of you but does not define you.
5. You play the game of comparisons
When you are out on a date, do you immediately start making comparisons? Does your self-esteem take a blow when you discover they make more money, have more friends or drive a pricier car? As a result, do you rule yourself for any potential future?
If this sounds familiar, you aren’t alone. A lot of people fall into the toxic trap of playing the game of comparisons. But how can you create change?
Purge your mind of any preconceived notions when dating someone new. Allow yourself to experience them for who they are and not what they possess.
Your confidence about your own identity is what will win them over. As an aside, this mindset is also a powerful way to attract wealth into your own life.
Being self-aware is an essential step to healthy dating. By shifting your mindset, you can attract people to you who like you for you.
Imagine what it would be like if you made a few mental adjustments today? Ask yourself what can be different? What new possibilities await just around the corner?