Hookup apps like Grindr, Scruff and the rest serve their purpose but they also can cause problems. Here's why I deleted them.
Around six months ago, I made the conscious choice to delete all of the hookup apps from my phone. At one time, I had accounts with Grindr, Scruff and even Boy-A-Hoy. Now, the only apps left on my device that remotely relate to hooking up are really not hookup apps at all. Here, I’m talking about things like Facebook and Messenger.
You may be wondering why I made decision. The reasons are many but I’ve managed to boil them down into 7 of the “biggies”. And before I share them with you, I want to say that I’m not some stuck-up gay man that thinks he’s better than everyone else. I’m just a regular guy in his late 20’s who is trying to make some positive changes.
FYI: I’m also not against hookups or messing around with other guys. These types of activities can be fun and certainly have their place. It’s just that right now in my life – the apps themselves needed to go.
Here are my 7 reasons my life is better now that I’ve deleted Grindr and the rest.
1. I’ve stopped being objectified
When I hung out on Grindr all day long, I found myself on the receiving end of endless messages that focused only on my body. I can only speak for myself but after a while, it gets kind of old to be known just for the physical.
There is so much more to me than the size of my wang or what I like to do in bed. What about you?
2. I stopped thinking “something better will come along”
When you are on hookup apps, there’s always the pull to think: “If I just stay signed on long enough, someone hot will come along.” These kinds of thoughts happen, even when you already have a perfectly handsome person chatting with you on the other end.
The problem of course is that “something” never comes along, leaving you empty, deflated and let down.
3. I stopped playing the game of comparisons
One of the negatives of hookup apps is the tendency to engage in the game of comparisons. Let’s be honest – we gays do a pretty good job of focusing on what other guys have in terms of physique and what we do not.
If left unchecked, that kind of thinking just becomes emotionally and spiritually unhealthy. Can you relate?
4. I’m socializing face to face more
Believe it or not, my social life has increased 10-fold since deleting the hookup apps. Before, I used to spend countless hours on the weekends just hanging and talking with people – with no real results.
Over the course of time, it just got old. Now that the apps are gone, I’m actually out in the real world meeting people face to face. And as a result, I feel better about myself and less isolated.
5. I’m going on more dates
Because my face isn’t plastered all over the hookup apps and I’m not advertising myself as a man-whore, I’ve found that I’m going out on more real dates.
That tends to happen when you meet guys the old fashioned way – through friends, colleagues, gay sporting events and the like. And I don’t have those awkward moments where someone says, “Aren’t you on Grindr?”
6. I’m working out more
This isn’t true for everyone but in my case, Grindr and the other hookup apps robbed me of time that could have been spent focusing on my body. It was so bad for me that I would find myself chatting with guys in between sets at my gym.
And then there were the days where I would skip my workouts all together because I got caught up in a conversation with a potential trick. Now that the hookup app are gone, that’s not an issue. My body is growing stronger and my mood is gotten a lot better.
7. I’m making new friends
The final benefit that I’ve gained from deleting the apps is that I’m making new friends. Better yet, I’ve got more time to spend with them and building meaningful relationships.
My problem before was that I would isolate, in part because the hookup apps were robbing me of my time. Now that they aren’t part of my life, I can spend more time focusing on what’s important – like real people with real lives.
Summing Things Up
Please don’t think I am dissing anyone who uses these apps. It’s not like that I promise. But if you are looking to create real change in your life towards the positive, it’s important to cut out things that aren’t healthy.
For me, it was Grindr and the rest. And there’s every chance that down the road I might install them back on my phone. But for now, I’m choosing not to. Why would I? My life has gotten so much better.