How Some Gay Men Drive Away Boyfriends
Are you a single gay man who desperately wants to be in a relationship with someone special? Have you signed up for every dating app you can get your hands on, including OK Cupid and Tinder? Have the results of your efforts been less than promising?
If so, you wouldn’t be alone. The truth is there are lots of gay men who are in search of finding a life partner they can settle down with. With the ability to now legally marry, the pressure for some of us to romantically attach to another has become intensified. This is particularly true if you have noticed your friends – one by one – have become partnered.
We've written about the ways some gay men destroy their relationships. Given the intense interest from readers in the entire topic of gay dating, we thought it might be helpful to explore this issue from a different angle.
What follows are 7 ways some gay men unintentionally drive potential boyfriends away. Several of these points may seem obvious while others might spark new insight. Read them all in order to fully absorb their deeper meaning.
Let’s jump right in.
1. Your Facebook feed is a turn off
Are you the type of gay man that feels compelled to post a barrage of shirtless selfies of yourself on a weekly basis? Had this caused you to get more and more “Likes” from people while picking up scores of new followers? While this may be wonderful way to boost your ego, it’s a real turn off to a potential boyfriend. Here’s why …
Guys who are looking for serious relationships aren’t going to be attracted to men who need constant validation from others. And while it is nice to see a few photographs here and there showing your physique, your collection of pics needs to be more than pictures of you posing for the camera. Other than your body, what else do you have going for you? Do you ever talk about these things?
2. You use alcohol to socially lubricate
Having a drink here and there is cool and can sometimes help to take the edge off. But if you reach for alcohol each and every time you are out on a date, it could be sending the wrong signal. This point is particularly true if you make your date feel like he needs to drink with you in order to have a good time.
Gay men who are looking to find someone special avoid guys who regularly use alcohol as a vice for coping. If you are a person who has historically been challenged with drinking, you need to ask yourself if you are truly relationship ready.
3. You expect too much too soon
Are you a gay man who goes out on a few dates with a guy and soon start to refer to that person as your boyfriend? Are you making commentary to him that gives him the impression that the two of you are somehow an item? Guess what – your behavior could be scaring him away.
Relationships take time to build and grow. And while you may desperately want to be connected to another, it is important to not come off as clingy. This means letting the dating process organically unfold instead of forcing things to happen too soon. Asking him to be “exclusive” with you after just 3 dates probably isn’t a good idea.
4. You are still a momma’s boy
Are you one of those gay men who calls your mom almost every day – or at least several times a week? Do you constantly find yourself visiting your mom’s house to spend time with her? Has your mother entered the decision making process for the way you live your life?
While being close with your mother can be a positive attribute, it can also be a major turn off to a potential boyfriend. Why? Most guys want to date men who are strong and independent. They don’t want to be with a mom who needs to permission seek at each and every corner. If this point describes you, it might be time to talk to a professional.
5. You haven’t fully broken free from your ex
Are you and your ex-boyfriend super close? Does he frequently stop by your place to hang out? From time to time, do the two of you hookup as a way of keeping the bond? If you answered yes to these questions, you are making any potential new boyfriends run for the hills.
Here is the deal … if your ex is still part of your daily life, he really isn’t your ex. The two of you may fool yourself into thinking this but a potential new suitor is going to see right through that. Being relationship ready means fully working through a breakup and allowing yourself time to heal from the emotional wounds. Try dealing with this first before you put yourself out on the market.
6. It’s all about you
When you go out on dates, do you talk a lot about yourself? Do you tell the man sitting across from you what your goals are for the future and then treat him to a list of impressive accomplishments? Do you find yourself wondering if you are talking too much about yourself? If you answered yes to these questions, you might want to rethink your approach.
Guys who are serious about dating don’t use the other person as a validator. Instead, they are genuinely interested in finding out about the other person. They’re listening for confidence and humility, not arrogance and narcissism. Just something to think about.
7. You come off as fake
This is perhaps the biggest reason you may be driving other gay men away. Coming off as fake means behaving in ways that aren’t in line with who you really are. For example, if you are attracted to guys who wear jeans and t-shirts, why on earth are you dressed up in Prada and Gucci? On the flipside, if you are struggling financially with bills, why are you agreeing to go out to an expensive restaurant?
Men who are confident about who they are, including their strengths and limitations, will find they attract the same. Believe it or not, most people can spot a phony a mile away – particularly gay men. Instead of trying to be someone who you aren’t – why not just try being you? You might be surprised at the results.
If you are looking to discover other reasons why you may still be a single gay man, consider reading our post that goes through 21 common reasons. Gay dating isn't easy but the more you educate yourself about the traits and characteristics of people who have found dating success, the more you increase your chances of meeting someone special – and making it last.