Learn to wipe your butt the right way – please!
I feel compelled to write this article after being with a guy who clearly didn't know how to wipe his butt. My discovery of his nastiness came when I was kneeling in front of him as he sat in a chair.
Bunched around his ankles were jeans and white boxers. As I was doing my thing, my eye suddenly caught sight of a massive streak, skidding across his Calvin's.
OMG … Yuck!
Honestly, the grossest thing in the world is to see a brown trail of gruel in a dude’s drawers. It totally ruins the moment and gives a whole new meaning to “gag reflex”.
Related: Guy poops in new boyfriend’s bed
Seriously, I had to stop what I was doing to excuse myself. While I can’t be certain, I’m pretty sure he figured out what was wrong because he got up and put on a new pair of briefs.
The damage, however, was done.
So for what it’s worth, here are 5 butt wiping tips for men. Please pass on to other guys who likely need this info.
1. Use Wipes
Probably the best thing you can do to ensure your rear end is clean is to spend a few bucks on wipes. These pre-moistened sheets do a wonderful job with sopping up the “extra” that lingers around the outer anal wall.
You could spend dough on brand-name products, like Dude Wipes but honestly, most chain stores like Walgreens sell a cheap house brand.
The point is to use something that allows for dabbing while not chaffing your hole. If you require discretion, order some in bulk from Amazon.
2. Quality Toilette Paper
Are you one of those guys who looks for the cheapest brand of toilette paper at the grocery store? Well guess what, your penny pinching ways are doing no favors to your anus – or your underwear!
Not all rolls of toilette paper are created the same. Some brands use near see-through sheets that couldn't absorb an ounce of water. If there’s one thing you want to splurge on, it’s TP guys. Go for well established brands. If you can get something with an indented print, even better. The grooves help to get into creases that flat paper just can’t.
3. Witch Hazel
If you don’t want to keep wipes around your bathroom, consider getting a bottle of witch hazel. When you are done with the initial pass through, take a little witch hazel and put a few drops on the toilette paper.
The benefit here is that you are delivering moisture to your hole. Additionally, you are getting rid of the microscopic leftovers that love to live around your inner butt.
4. Wipe from Front to Back
It’s shocking that a lot of guys don’t know this but here it goes. When you clean your butt, take a wipe or moistened piece of toilette paper and go from front to back.
If you wipe the other way (back to front) you are pushing the material towards your junk. For a number of reasons, you really don’t want to do this. Not only does it stink, you are also causing dingle-berries to get caught in your crack.
Oh, when you wipe – use moderate pressure. No need to dig in hard. Firm but gentle strength is the way to go. Keep repeating the wiping until you see a clear result.
5. Bend Over in the Shower
When you shower, do you take care to wash between your crack? In my experience, a lot of guys don’t. Trust me, just letting soapy water run down your backside and into your butt area isn’t going to do the job.
If you have pooped during the day, make sure at some point you take a shower. This means adjusting the water to a comfortable level and letting the shower head aim an intense stream towards your sugar walls.
Put some soap on your fingers, lather them a bit and get into your crack. It’s the only way to make sure it’s cleaned good. If you have a handheld showerhead, even better!
Wipe Your Butt Final Thoughts
I wrote this “how to wipe your butt” post for guys because there are just too many men (gay and straight) who neglect this part of proper hygiene.
Oh – and before I forget – always wash your hands after you wipe. That may seem silly to say but I’ve seen guys at the gym take a crap and head right out to the gym floor – without bothering to wash. Think of that the next time you use a piece of equipment.
Hopefully, you will remember what’s been shared here the next time you take a crap.