5 Ways To Strengthen Your Gaydar and Meet Your Soulmate


Improve your gaydar skills

Within gay lexicon, there has long existed a slang term called gaydar. Most guys reading this post will know exactly what that word means.

But just case you are unsure, I’m going to give you a basic description that is short and to the point.

What is gaydar?

In its purest form, gaydar is an intuitive, perhaps empathic ability that gay men have to identify a same sex attraction in others.

Related: 10 smart ways to attract a boyfriend

In some ways, this ability can be likened to a sixth sense, falling into the realm of ESP.

Within our gay subculture, gaydar is frequently used in conversation. Here’s some common examples:

I’m pretty sure that hot guy walking his dog is gay. I’ve got excellent gaydar skills.


Wow, I had no idea that guy was gay. My gaydar sucks!


Is gaydar real?

Absolutely! Not only is gaydar real, it has been put to the test of hard science and recorded in peer reviewed journals. In fact, the New York Times ran a piece back in 2012 on the science of gaydar. Here is the article if you wish to review.

Do all gay men have gaydar?

The answer to that question is complicated. That’s because human sexuality is thought to run on a spectrum. According to the Kinsey Scale of Sexual Orientation, people generally fall somewhere on a range.

To help make sense of this, review the graphic below. Zero suggests no attraction towards the same sex. Six represents an exclusive attraction.

I would be remiss in saying that the scale, created in 1948 by Alfred Kinsey, Wardell Pomeroy and others, isn’t without its critics.

But that’s a different blog post, isn’t it?

The main point I want to communicate here is the unique link that exists between gaydar and the scale. The current body of evidence suggests that the higher you rate on the Kinsey scale, the greater your gaydar.

Kinsey Scale

FYI: Gay men aren’t the only ones who have gaydar. Lesbians and bisexuals also have it. Because this is a blog for gay men, I’m using descriptive language that is male focused.

OK – before we talk about improving your gaydar, let’s get a few big myths on this topic out of the way.

Gaydar Myths

First, intuiting sexuality in another has absolutely nothing to do with long standing societal gender roles or behaviors. Sadly, some people believe that a person can “tell” if a man is gay or straight based off ridiculous stereotypes.

That’s complete BS so let’s dispense of this notion now.

Second, your gaydar abilities aren’t “cursed” on you because of “sin” or some other homophobic nonsense. In truth, gaydar is a gift based skill that the universe has bestowed upon you for the purpose of mating and love.

The final myth I’ll speak to is the misconception that a person’s gaydar abilities can’t be grown or fortified. This, too, is false too.

Here’s why:

If you believe that gaydar is a skill, then you must also believe it can be strengthened.

And when you think about it – that kind of makes sense, doesn’t it?

Just as an archer practices his aim with an arrow to achieve greater accuracy, you – as a gay man – can enhance your gaydar skills to detect same sex attractions in others.

That leads us to the big question – how? Well, you're about to find out.

How to improve gaydar skills

I’m going to give you five simple ways to improve your gaydar skills. Some of what follows comes from personal experience. Other bits of wisdom have been passed on from elder gays.

Read them all to gain the maximum benefit.



1. Mindful Meditation

If you want to dial into others, you will first need to tune into yourself. This means finding a quiet place so that you can cleanse your chakras and still the mind.

If you've never meditated before, I encourage you to start out simple. Here is a video below that is perfectly designed to promote inner harmony and peace.

Remember, the calmer you are inside, the greater your ability to empathically “see” others. Through meditation, we discover something in the nothing.

2. Be Creative

When you do something creative, you tap into a part of the brain that is linked to intuition. Creativity operates on linear and abstract plains and empowers you to focus in a way that busy thoughts don’t take over your mind.

Creativity doesn’t mean you have to be an expert at whatever task you are doing. But it does mean that you give this gaydar building activity a chance to flourish.

Consider painting a picture or doodling. Writing, blogging or making photo collages are just but a few examples. When you strengthen your creative skills, you empower intuition.

3. Create a Dream Journal

One of the most powerful ways you can build your gaydar skills is by journaling your dreams. That may sound silly but hear me out.

All of us dream – every night. The problem is that many of us don’t remember the material. But rest assured, just as sure as you are reading this, you absolutely dreamed.

4. Dance

For many people, dancing is a fun activity. But did you know that dancing can also enhance your gaydar skills? Yes, it sure can.

Here’s how:

When you dance, you center yourself in the moment, meaning this very moment in time. When properly executed, you become one with vibration and crate flow.

Gaydar operates on this same concept. You don’t have to be a good dancer either. All that is important is that you try to create oneness with the music. Dance is a conduit to intuition.

5. Affirmations

The final way to boost your gaydar skills is to practice affirmations. But just repeating a bunch of words in your head alone will do nothing.

Instead, you must say things that affirm your truth and in a positive light. Some people combine affirmations with tip number one (meditation).

Example affirmations include: I accept my sexuality. I accept the sexuality of others. I love all of who I am. I am open to healing and self-compassion.

Wrapping Things Up

Gaydar skills are built through practice. It’s a gift that you have been given that should be cherished and respected.

Trust in yourself and your abilities. There will no doubt be times when you get it wrong. Like any developing skill, mistakes happen. It’s part of the learning process.

In time, your gaydar skills will grow to a point that you will easily be able to “tell” what lives in another man’s heart.

What’s more, you’ll be able to draw him to you like a magnet.

About MJ Booth 108 Articles
Based in Los Angeles, MJ is a journalist and blogger who covers the LGBTQ community. Identifying as gender-queer, MJ focuses on topics that touch on a variety of life issues impacting men, women and non-binary individuals. Look for posts on science, dating, relationships, and culture.